I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
