she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Terrible idea I love it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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