My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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