the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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