No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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