Got a toothbrush?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
