he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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