Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is my gift to your gina
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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