I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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