Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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