There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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