Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
