Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
