I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize