i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
