Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
