Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
