At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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