I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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