My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Drunk is a universal language darling
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
