ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
