you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
