Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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