i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
