apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
