also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
