i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
