That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
