WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
