I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize