Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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