Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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