You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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