I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
