Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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