bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
