once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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