when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
