i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize