i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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