i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
