ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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