The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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