so explain again why im purple
no
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
