So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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