what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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