i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
