"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
