I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
