he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will be naked everywhere
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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