It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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