It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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