Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Green mimosas i think yes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
