I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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