I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
