found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
