is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
