we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
