dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
