what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
