So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
