Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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