when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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